DARVO Tactics in Family Court

Protective Moms, who are surviving Coercive Control, frequently shoulder false accusations in Family Court, even when they present substantial Evidence of Abuse. These accusations often allege manipulation, dishonesty and vindictiveness, undermining their credibility and jeopardizing their safety along with their children’s safety. This issue is compounded by Attorneys who readily engage in what I call Attorney-Enhanced Coercive Control™. 

Attorneys that engage in Attorney-Enhanced Coercive Control™ align with Perpetrators and use deviant, sophisticated strategies to challenge the credibility of a Protective Mom. These tactics include but are not limited to: 

• Attorneys often assert that documented injuries in photographs were self-inflicted, accidental, or unrelated to the alleged abuse. They may claim threatening messages were misinterpreted and provoked by Mom, thereby casting doubt on her testimony.
• Attorneys highlight incomplete timelines, memory lapses, or missing witnesses, exploiting the fact that trauma has disrupted Mom's ability to collect evidence (Herman 134).
• By emphasizing unrelated personal challenges, such as but not limited to: mental health issues, substance use issues, or minor legal issues, Attorneys portray Mom as unstable and dishonest. For example, if Mom has a history of depression (many abused women do because depression is a normal reaction to being abused) she may be labeled “hysterical” or “delusional,” (Meier 92). 
• During cross-examination, Attorneys deploy what I consider the most common tactic of them all: the use of aggressive, yes-or-no questioning to elicit emotional responses in Mom, then they'll cite any displays of anger, sadness, fear or overwhelm as "evidence" of instability and combativeness in the Mother (Meier 92).
• Evidence of Coercive Control, such as financial deprivation and verbal abuse, is often dismissed as a “marital spat” or insufficient for legal action. Attorneys leverage that by arguing that Evidence of Abuse, ie. journal entries, recordings, and/or texts are exaggerated, fabricated and staged (Stark 245).
• Attorneys are also known to claim that Mom's defensive actions (pushing back during an assault or her yelling) indicate that she/the Perpetrator were "abusive" and engaged in mutual perpetrating behaviors. In addition, Attorneys frequently allege “parental alienation,” to falsely frame protective measures as deviant attempts to undermine the Perpetrating Father's relationship with the children (Silberg and Dallam 145). This is how these Attorneys distort matters and cause distress in the Mother.

These tactics exploit gender biases, by portraying Moms as deficient, emotional and manipulative. Perpetrators often present as composed, sad, dumb and remorseful, which is how they influence/trick the Courts. Family Courts, which are known to prioritize co-parenting above all else, exacerbate this by ignoring abuse allegations, with 70% of custody cases involving such claims resulting in shared custody due to these strategies (Meier 94).

Even with compelling evidence, including but not limited to: photographs, medical records, threatening messages, audio/video recordings, police reports, DNA evidence, and/or witness testimonies, Protective Moms face accusations of fabrication, exaggeration and dishonesty. Perpetrators leverage DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), a term coined by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, to position themselves as the "true" victims of a vindictive, cruel, unstable and calculated woman. These narratives are incredibly effective during The Post-separation Period, when Protective Moms are vulnerable.

It should be known that Perpetrators, and their Attorneys, exploit systemic biases in other ways, as well. For example, they will claim any potential injuries were self-inflicted, threats were just taken “out of context,” and that Mom provoked the abuse. They often manipulate Law Enforcement and Child Protective Services as well, to retaliate against Mom. A 2020 study found that 40% of Domestic Abuse Survivors faced bias and/or dismissal due to the Perpetrator's narratives, illustrating how effective these tactics are (Smith and Hattery 45).

Courts, CPS, Guardian ad Litems, Law Enforcement, and even Family Members often fail to recognize these DARVO tactics for what they are; instead, they scrutinize Mom's credibility, influenced by the Perpetrator’s charisma and the societal expectations of a “perfect” victim. This disbelief creates a perfect storm: evidence is dismissed, and the absence of it is condemned.

That said, Protective Moms can - and should - take proactive measures to counter Attorney-Enhanced Coercive Control™ and DARVO Tactics. Efforts should be made to strengthen their cases, and mitigate harm to shield themselves/their children from of these tactics.

Here are some strategies Protective Moms can consider using:

• Maintain records of abuse, including timestamps for texts/emails/voicemails/photographs/medical reports/police filings, and journal entries. Document patterns of Coercive Control (financial abuse, isolation, verbal aggression, etc) to establish a consistent, credible and condensed narrative (Stark 245).
• If possible, retain an Attorney that is experienced in Coercive Control. Attorneys like this may be able to anticipate DARVO tactics, parental alienation accusations, etc. and frame things truthfully. 
• Document your efforts to support your children’s relationship with their Father to refute alienation claims. 
• Know how to articulate what has happened to you - at all times.
• Connect with communities through in-person or online platforms to share strategies, access resources, and gain support. 
• Recognize the Court's emphasis on "co-parenting" over abuse allegations (Meier 94). There's data on this. Equip your Attorney to argue against shared custody in abusive contexts. Be prepared to communicate and collaborate with your counsel. Don't be surprised if they don't understand Coercive Control.
• Prepare for Child Protective Services and/or Law Enforcement interactions 
• Know that preparation can mitigate the psychological, mental, physical and emotional toll of false accusations.

To be clear, the above strategies won't fully protect Moms that are enduring Post-Separation Abuse. There are systemic issues at play and those can't fully be combative via. strategies alone. However, Protective Moms should be encouraged to protect themselves to the best of their ability.

I also believe that Protective Mothers can continue to counter these tactics, challenge institutional betrayal, and secure justice - it is possible. Our Courts, however, must evolve to recognize Coercive Control and prioritize safety, while ensuring evidence is valued but that its absence is not a barrier to protection.

Sources and Disclaimer:

Herman, Judith L. Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books, 1997.
Meier, Joan S. “U.S. Child Custody Outcomes in Cases Involving Parental Alienation and Abuse Allegations.” Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, vol. 42, no. 1, 2020, pp. 92-115.
Silberg, Joyanna, and Stephanie Dallam. “Abusers Gaining Custody in Family Courts: A Case Series of Overturned Decisions.” Journal of Child Custody, vol. 16, no. 2, 2019, pp. 140-169.
Stark, Evan. Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford UP, 2007.

The information provided in this blog is for information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. It is not a substitute for professional legal counsel. Kaitlyn Jorgensen/The Proactive Protective Mom Network is not an Attorney/Law Firm. Protective Mothers should consult a qualified, licensed Attorney to address their specific circumstances and legal needs.