From “Why Won’t They Let Me Finish?” to “Now I Know What They Need to Hear."

Yesterday, during our third family court appearance of the day, our Judge paused the proceeding, looked directly at me, and asked, “What do you want?” I answered honestly: “Your Honor, at this point I would just like some relief.”

I began to (in a condensed and calm manner) explain the years-long pattern of escalating threats to my safety, the near-total refusal to comply with multiple court orders for almost 24 months, the repeated need for police intervention, protection orders, etc. but our Judge gently raised her hand and directed my Attorney to speak for me.

In that moment, I immediately understood: when she asked “What do you want?” she was inviting a specific procedural request, not an open-ended narrative or opinion, and that is why my counsel was asked to step in.

That small interaction confirmed something larger for me: after years of litigation abuse, I have been forced to train my mind to operate this way; to translate exhaustion and fear into precise interpretations (often legal ones, but also to interpret how I am perceived by others), to constantly scan every single interaction and room I enter for the narrow pathway that might finally lead to safety. The average Protective Mother does not know she will face burdens like this. And the average Protective Mother may also internalize these types of demands, and crumble under them.

When a Judge doesn't let you finish your sentence, many of us are left to wonder, "why won't they let me finish?" and that's precisely why I am sharing this experience with you today. I am not above feeling this way but I am skilled enough to restructure my thought process.

When a Judge cuts you off, gently or not, it is easy to hear “your voice does not matter.” I have heard that sentence in my head many times. But yesterday, I heard something different: “Tell me the remedy, not the story, because I can only fix what you ask me to fix.” When matters move quickly, and unexpectedly (we had just 15 minutes to prepare for this hearing), it can be extremely difficult to understand what is going on and to have this type of awareness. But, in that moment, I understood the request and I made adjustments accordingly.

This type of skill can take years to develop, mostly because no one urges Protective Moms to pay attention like this.

The hyper-vigilance that existed within our abusive relationships has to be redirected, and no one tells you that either. No one tells you that is your job to figure out. I will tell you that today. I will also tell you this: You and I have amazing skillsets. As Survivors, we are trained to scan for danger, yes, but we also have to be able to scan for opportunity! We have to use these skills to survive this process, we have to be able to determine the moment a question is really an opening to providing more detail, when a single sentence or talking point can turn months of violations into an actual consequences!

I did not crumble when the Judge stopped me. I did not personalize it. That is not because instinct told me not to; it is because I have practiced, over and over, refusing to let the system’s operations "get to me." Because if they get to me, I will have a detrimental reaction to that and I can't afford it. To be clear, the courtroom will always feel hostile to me, because it is. But "feeling it" and being paralyzed by it are not the same thing.

If you are walking this road, please hear this: the day will come when someone in authority interrupts you and it's your job to not (always) internalize that and to ensure it does not (always) feel like dismissal. Because it may be an invitation. You may recognize the hidden question inside the spoken one, and you must be ready with the answer that allows you to move forward, instead of spiraling backwards.

That readiness is not instinctive. It is earned. Earn your stripes. It is possible.

Soon, you will realize the system did not save you; you saved yourself. You learned new skills that allowed you to maneuver your way through, in truth and with determination.

You have already turned fear into remedies, and exhaustion into calm actions that can make the system do what it was supposed to do all along:

Protect you.

I am with you and I stand with you. Thank you for standing with me.

This account is an accurate reflection of my personal, lived experiences in family court proceedings. The event described is documented in official court records, police reports, and protection order filings.

To protect the privacy and safety of all parties, identifying details (including but not limited to: names, case numbers, exact dates, locations, and any descriptors of individuals, and specific court identifiers have been intentionally omitted.)

This post is shared solely for informational purposes: to offer insight, validation, and practical understanding to other protective moms navigating similar circumstances. It is not intended to criticize pr offend any individual, attorney, or judicial officer. Any portrayal of courtroom interactions reflects only my personal perception and recollection of those moments, not an assertion of motive or intent on the part of others.

Readers are reminded that every case is unique, judicial styles vary widely, and nothing in this post constitutes legal advice. Always consult qualified counsel for guidance specific to your situation.

Thank you for reading with care and respect.